Stutz

Stutz is a 2022 documentary on Netflix about Phil Stutz, a therapist who has worked with Jonah Hill. The documentary is a conversation between Hill and Stutz, and it’s a fascinating look into Stutz’s philosophy on life and therapy. Below are some notes I took while watching the documentary.

Many thanks to my former boss, Fabio for recommending it to me.

• Phil Stutz is Jonah Hill’s therapist: Stutz is a conversation between Hill and Stutz.
• Lifeforce
  • Some people say “If only I knew what I was supposed to be doing, what my mission was, it would be like I was shot out of a gun. But since I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m lazy and depressed”.
  • You can always work on your lifeforce. Lifeforce is the only part of you that is capable of guiding you when you’re lost.
  • There are three layer in a pyramid
    • The bottom layer is one’s relationship with their physical body. Stutz believes this is 85% of what makes you feel better mentally
      • Get your body working better: exercise, sleep, healthy diet
    • The middle layer is one’s relationship with other people
      • Relationships during depression seem like a ship disappearing across the horizon; relationships are like handholds to get pulled back into life.
      • The key is that you must take the initiative; even an uninteresting experience will be positive.
    • The top layer is one’s relationship with oneself
      • Get yourself in a relationship with your unconscious; you do this by writing
  • If you do the things in this pyramid, everything else will fall into place
• Part X
  • Judgemental, antisocial part of oneself. Invisible force which keeps one from changing or growing, to block one’s potential. The voice of impossibility.
  • Impossible to get rid of: three inevitable aspects of reality: pain, uncertainty, and constant work
• ”Shame and embarrassment is the glue that holds the universe together”
• String of pearls
  • Each pearl added to the string is an action. Each action has equal value.
  • Who are you? “I’m the one who puts the next pearl on the string”. Nothing else. The habits with which you take action are define who you are.
  • In each pearl, there’s a dark spot; it’s a turd that says that every effort you make is imperfect. But that’s okay; just focus on putting the next pearl on the string.
• The shadow
  • Everyone has a unique shadow but everybody’s shadow is also the same in that it’s the part of themselves that they are ashamed of.
  • Start by finding your shadow; close your eyes and visualize a time in your life when you felt inferior, embarrassed, rejected, despondent, the part of you that you wish you weren’t but you are.
    • Talk to your shadow and ask it how it feels about present-day you; how you’ve dealt with it, how you’ve treated him.
    • The shadow needs attention, but not from the world; the only being who matters to your shadow is you. Ask it how to make up for not paying attention to it for such a long time.
  • Constantly relating to your shadow is crucial. If you don’t pay your shadow constant respect, it’ll destroy you.
• The snapshot (The realm of illusion)
  • You are looking for the perfect experience that doesn’t exist; it’s an image that exists only in your mind, created by Part X
  • It’s a snapshot; it has no movement and no depth but you cripple yourself with it by fantasizing about it, forgetting about the three inevitable aspects of reality
  • Hill mentions he reached the snapshot early, but got depressed after reaching the snapshot and realizing none of the three inevitable aspects of reality were fixed
• The maze
  • The maze always involves other people. It’s the product of Part X. Part X wants fairness.
  • Eg. you telling yourself “I’ll move past this once they make up for {breakup, being angry, cheating, etc.}” and the quest for fairness puts your life on hold.
  • Time is fleeting, and we don’t have time for spending time in the maze.
    • The average person wants to be paid back. They want everything to be fair. They want everything to be balanced. But you’re not going to get it from them
  • To exit the maze, one must practice active love:
    • Imagine you’re surrounded by a universe made solely of love. A world that is dense with loving energy, and feel yourself taking in all the love in that universe. Gently but firmly place all of it in your heart. At that instant, you’re the principal leader of love in the universe. See the person you’re angry at, and send all this love you’ve concentrated towards the other person.
    • ”If I can become one with this bastard, I can become one with anybody”
    • To love someone you hate is to feel whole and free from the maze
• Radical acceptance
  • Every event has something in it that you can learn from. When something goes wrong, everyone can say “it’s not that bad of a thing” but it’s not good enough.
    • You have to create a reflex to squeeze the juice out of it; finding something meaningful.
    • ”What am I going to do about it now?”
    • You’re not allowed to tell yourself anything negative. You must find something positive about it by having faith that there’s something valuable to learn
• The grateful flow
  • Part X creates a cloud in the sky blocking the sun, and you forget that there’s a sun; but the sun is always somewhere up there up above the clouds
  • How do you penetrate the clouds?
    • Gratefulness; the feeling that everything has purpose, even if you cannot see it
    • Close your eyes; slowly say 2-4 things that you’re grateful for, the smaller the better and feel the gratefulness. Keep saying more and maintain the stream of gratefulness.
    • Create one final grateful thought but block it — so all you feel is the force that would create a grateful thought, and as it feels stronger and stronger, you feel taken over by it. This is the grateful flow.
• Loss processing
  • Even before there is a loss, people worry about a loss
  • Potency of non-attachment: I will pursue something but I’m prepared to not have it; to be willing to lose.
    • Pick at something you’re too attached to: a person, a job, anything. Something where you’d loathe letting go of it, and you’re afraid to let go of it.
    • Pretend you’re grabbing at it and grasp onto it. You’re afraid to let go, but you let go anyways, and when you let go, you start to fall; the falling is slow and gentle, to your surprise, but you’re dropping down and you say “I’m willing to lose everything” silently. When you say this, you hit the surface of a sun down below you and your body burns up. You’re in the sun world, everyone and everything is a sun beam.
  • You’re not trying to become non-attached, you’re trying to move towards non-attachment; most people have never been non-attached for one second of their lives, so even moving towards it is meaningful
• ”You won’t figure out life, ever.”